What does 'Opry' mean anyway?

American Idol: 3.17.09

The theme tonight is Grand Ole Opry. Just so you know up front, I’m not gonna know many of the song choices, so if you missed the show, look elsewhere for the important details.

Michael Sarver: Why, with so many lyrics to sing, does dude think he can afford to direct any of his attention to shaking fands (fan + hands)? He always looks constipated when he sings. I wouldn’t want him to sit on me; those thighs! It’d be pretty devastating for him if he’s voted off during his country week since that’s his hometown genre. But I don’t care; I’m ready for him to go buh-bye.

Alison Iruheta looks super cute tonight! Good job, stylists! I don’t like this genre for her, but I love, love, love her raspy voice. Also love the cutaways of her immigrant padres.

Kris Allen: Oh, I know this song! I think Adele remade it. I had no idea it was a Garth Brooks tune (“To Make You Feel My Love”). OK, I am slowly starting to get this kid’s appeal. He’s got kind of a monkey face though. (BTW, this performance was so Jason Castro.)

Lil Rounds: No, Simon, it’s not “Little,” it’s Lil, as in short for Lily or Lilac or Lilah. I agree with the judges that there was something queer about her song choice. It was too country for her.

Love her anyway.

Adam Lambert: Digging the peacock hairdo. Yikes, not sure this Arabian “Ring of Fire” is working for me. Hmm. Wait a minute. It’s growing on me. It’s brilliant! Simon isn’t hip enough to get it.

A newly coifed Scott MacIntyre plays it safe and spurs a lengthy argument between Paula and Simon over whether he should try performing sans piano. I think Simon’s right on this one: just pick better songs, man.

Alexis Grace: Pitchy, dawg, real pitchy. I think they’re all coached to say “I had fun” when the judges shit on them.

It's kind of fun to see straight-A student Danny Gokey choke again and again in his "Practice with Randy Travis" video clip. As for tonight's performance of "Jesus Take the Wheel," the verses left me cold but he did okay with the chorus. I gotta say, I liked this song a lot more when Lakisha Jones sang it (Flinttown, represent!) There's something smug behind his smile.

Anoop Desai reaches full-on hunk status singing Willie Nelson's "You Were Always On My Mind." Oh, those eyes! Those silky vocals! Like buttah.

Megan Joy (no Corkrey) puts her own spin on a very spun Patsy Cline tune and sounds crazier than ever. It's awful. The stylists must've advised her to skip the bra tonight because they know that's her only chance to advance. I cannot BELIEVE she keeps getting favorable feedback from all four judges. WTF?! (To be fair, I guess I should mention she has influenza B.)

Matt Giraud attempts to make a Carrie Underwood song "a more heartfelt version." Ouch, sorry, Carrie. The piano playing elevates the performance, but I don't love it.

Let's put the kibosh on the white-washing of this competition (I miss you, Jorge!): Tonight I'm voting for Lil, Alison and Anoop, foremost for their vocals but also cuz I like at least a little bit of color in my Idol. Word.