Rocknrolla

What is under your sunglasses, Slash? Will the public ever know?

Yeah, so, it's Rock Week. The four remaining contestants walk onstage clad in tight black leather, punky hairdos, etc. Except for Gokey, that is, who looks especially boring tonight in a red button-down shirt. Celebrity mentor Slash isn't known for his voice, and he doesn't use it much tonight either. He kind of just... plays guitar and looks cool. That's all well and good for Adam gLambert, who doesn't seem to need advice from anybody...

Adam sings Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love." Who else could pull off Zeppelin, I ask you?! Nobody! Adam sounds as good as (if not better than) Robert Plant himself. He has got some serious rock chops and a whole lotta 'tude. As I correctly surmised during the performance, Ryan tells us this is the first time anyone on Idol has attempted a Zeppelin tune. And probably the last, because that was a really tough act to follow. Poor Allison...

Allison wisely chooses a Janis Joplin number, but unfortunately, it's the unmelodic "Cry, Baby." For me, she slightly underwhelms; it just seems to lack ferocity. The judges don't dig the song choice, which prompts her to get feisty and talk back to them for the first time ever. It kind of looks like she's acting irritated so that she won't cry. Aw.

Okay, now it's time for the first of two duets. Kris and Danny collabortate on "Renegade" by Styx. They look scared and unsure. Kris is doing pretty rockin' maneuvers with the mic stand, but Danny just stands there like a 'tard gesturing with his damn hands again. These guys are totally ignoring each other onstage and the result is lame and boring. Predictably, Simon seizes the opportunity to turn it into a competition and calls Danny out as being better than Kris. What?! Kris is visibly miffed and it makes me think that maybe these two guys don't get along.... Kris Allen's stock just went up a few points in my book.

After the break, Kris attempts to redeem himself with The Beatles' "Come Together." I think it's a bad move to do a Beatles song after TWO WEEKS of Beatles last season, but I think his version is pleasant enough. He's certainly cute enough to be a Beatle; his crooked mouth is really growing on me. But the critiques from the judges are DIRE, and one gets the impression that it's been their plan all along to shank him right before the semifinals. All for the love of...

...Danny Hokey. Afer Kris sang but before they cut to commercial, the camera tried to locate Danny, surrounded by fans in the mosh pit. I could not even see the guy; he blended in with all the nobodies. He's like a fat Where's Waldo. Except instead of stripes, he's wearing chunky, hideous costume jewelry. Ew. Anyway, he sings "Dream On," and it's baaaaaad. The last note (or scream, if you will) is perhaps the worst note uttered by anyone on the Idol stage this year. But does that stop him from donning his usual smug, self-satisfied stare? Uh, no. Here's a question for you: how do the contestants (Danny in particular) avoid pit stains?

Expectations are low for our second duet: Adam and Allison singing "Slow Ride." (I was hoping they'd do "Under Pressure." Lambert needs to get his Bowie on STAT.) Unlike Tweedle Twee and Dweedle Dufus, these two know how to share the stage. They engage with each other. It's brilliant. Love Adam in those tight striped pants, but he needs to get a cod piece if he wants to be a rocker. Especially if he's going to tackle Bowie between now and winning the Idol crown.